Friday, April 6, 2012

I don't have a title.

I think people should say how they feel more often.
I know it's hard.
Or awkward.
But it always ends right.
Maybe not the way you want it, but definitely the way it is supposed to.
We shouldn't be so afraid to tell how we feel.
Because we aren't the only ones feeling it.
Maybe the person doesn't feel the same.
So what. 
At least then you know.
And you can stop chasing them.
You are just narrowing down the list of potential people to love.
And no one says I love you enough.
But at the same time, it's used to much.
We just need to figure out how to use it.
Don't say it if you don't mean it.
Because those three words mean a lot more than a sentence.
And if you don't know the meaning, you don't have the right to say it.
And saying how you feel isn't just about love.
Being vague about your feelings is stupid.
It helps no one.
And sometimes it hurts when real feelings come out.
But wouldn't you rather know someone stopped loving you, 
than just living your entire life thinking they love you?
Excuses like,
I'm waiting for the right time to tell them.
I don't want to be hurt if they say they don't feel the same way.
I'm not sure of my feelings, yet. So I don't want to say them yet.
There is never going to be the perfect time. So you just have to do it.
Finding out they don't feel the same way is way better than forever wondering.
And who is ever truly sure about all of their feelings?
No one.
Love grows from little unsure feelings.
But it sure can't grow if you never give it a chance.

This is actually really quite selfish of me because right now, while writing this, 
I don't care if all of you run out and tell someone you love them.
In all honesty, I am just really bitter that some people don't let you know that they stopped liking you. They just dump you and pretend like everything is fine, they still like you, they just don't want anything serious. 
Then all of a sudden, they disappear off the face of the planet.
You don't talk to them.
They don't talk to you.
They delete you off facebook.
Which is so stupid but for some reason it hurts so bad.
I guess because the last thing they said to you was that they still love being with you. 
And talking to  you.
Which is just a big fat lie. 
Because if any of it was true, then you would of at least heard from them. 
But you don't.
And you finally decide that it's okay. 
And you wouldn't want to be with anyone like that anyway.
So you're glad it ended soon.
And I don't want pity.
Just honesty.
It's what everyone deserves.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Details in the fabric.

 I paint my nails when I am upset.
I keep every nice text message someone sends me.
I love when people use my name when they talk to me.
I day dream about my dream life more than I live my actual one.
I want to only ever be married to one man.
My car has seen me cry more than anyone else.
I listen to boy bands that my 15 year old sister listens to. 
And I love them.
I eat like a fat person and exercise like a skinny person.
I pretend I am the main character in basically every movie I've ever seen.
I have no idea what I want from life.
I just want to be happy.
I'm not as tough as I like to pretend, I just lie when I'm not ok.
I get jealous easy.
 I'm terrified of not amounting to anything.
Half of the time when I know what I am talking about, I don't.
I have kept a journal almost every day over the last 10 years.
I still miss my parents.
I'm insecure and like to pretend I'm not.
I cried over a "relationship" that was shorter than most jr. high relationships.
I like to think that every song was written only for me.
I have never kept a job longer than 4 months.
I love waffles. 
I am terrible at giving advice.
But I am a really good listener. 
I like to think I'm famous when I post a picture on instagram. 
I plan out every conversation in my head before I have it.
Yet, I still manage to almost never think before I speak.
And then over think everything I've said.
I miss people I barely know.
There are a lot of weekends I stay at home, alone.
 I'm a terrible secret keeper. 
Especially my own secrets.
I fall too fast and too hard.
I want to be a mother more than I want any career.
I've signed up for school 4 times, and I haven't gone yet.
 I'm a quitter. I quit almost everything I do.
Except student council. I finished that. Twice.
I think I am really funny.
I text my sisters and my mom more than any one else.
I had a crush on the same boy throughout my entire high school career.
I think I am way more important in people's lives than I actually am.
I've never been to the east coast.
I'm scared I'll never be loved as much as I will love.
And I hate talking about myself.
But sometimes when you take the time to realize the small things about yourself, you can really fall in love with yourself. Because that is how you fall in love with others. You find out the little details about them and you just love them. But first you need to do that to yourself. Even if the details aren't the best qualities, they are what make you you. 
And you wont ever be any one else.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Pierce your heart.

So I have this sister.
And she is quite the photographer.
She does senior portraits, family photos, dance groups, everything.
Check out some of these pics.
Then go check out the rest here.