Saturday, November 19, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Say Goodbye.

Saying goodbye was never one of my strengths.
I'm terrible at it.
I always say the wrong thing. 
Especially on Sunday.
I went to say goodbye to my best friend.
I knew what I was going to say.
Yet, not one single word of that came out.
It basically went like this, 
Thanks for everything.
Then we hugged.
Yeah, you too. 
Well...see ya..later?
Um..Yeah. See ya.

Then I got in the car and totally lost it.
I couldn't believe that is how I was planning on saying goodbye to my best friend.
But I left. 
And I couldn't sleep that night.
I didn't even say the word goodbye.
Just "see ya".
Something you say to your friend who is leaving your house but you are planning on seeing in like ten minutes.
Not someone leaving the country for two years.

But I didn't want to go see him again.
Because there is a reason I am no good at saying goodbye.
I don't like it.
I don't like the idea of someone leaving me.
Because like I said, you don't say goodbye to someone you plan on seeing soon.
You say it to someone you know you won't see in a long while.
And I don't want to think about not seeing my best friend for that long.
I didn't go back over on Sunday after I realized what a foolish farewell that was.
And I didn't go over Monday.
Then at work today, I realized, today was my last chance.
But I just couldn't go over.
So I decided to call him.
I knew exactly what I was going to say.
Thought it all out before I even dialed his number.
And the second he told me he was now officially a missionary, 
I forgot every word I had planned out.

But I said what I wanted to.
And I said goodbye.
Now he can leave.
I'll see him soon.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Happy Birthday.

In seventh grade I met someone.
We became friends in our creative writing class.
Gave each other nicknames.
I liked one of his good friends for the next two years so we all hung out.
He ran for sophomore council, and I was in his skit.
Then he got me to run the next year for junior council.
Lots of good times there.
Then we both ran for it senior year.
Spent mornings, afternoons, and nights together.
I helped him with math and he helped me attempt to do online classes.
I helped him with girls, he helped me with boys.
We joked about his first kiss, and the lack of mine.
He told me the truth when no one else did, and I told him when he was being a jerk.
I gave him a Taylor Swift calendar for Christmas, he gave me a picture of a fat guy in a speedo.
We played pranks on each other and shared secrets we didn't tell anyone else.
I saved his butt multiple times, and he saved mine.
It's been six years since we met, and he's still my best friend.
And today he turns 19. 
In one week from today, he leaves for his mission.
Two years in Panama City, Panama.
I helped him pack up his room a little while ago.
And oh man, he is ready.
There is just one problem,
I don't know if I am.
Who is going to get excited with me when I take out my contacts after weeks of wearing them?
Who am I going to send pictures to of all the good food I make?
And who is going to call me Ching Chong?

I guess it's for a good cause though...

Plus, two years ago we were on junior council together. 
And that seems like yesterday.
So before I even know it, he'll be back.
But until then, 
Happy Birthday Alfred.

Friday, November 4, 2011

That thing that happens to us all.

I've been in a funk. 
It happens to everyone.
And whether you are in one now or have previously been in one, you know what it's like.
Sometimes it starts by meeting someone that is just so put together.
They know what they are doing, where they are going, and nothing is going to stop them.
So obviously, this causes you to stop and reflect on where you are.
You aren't dating anyone.
You aren't currently enrolled in school.
You have zero social life.
And you work at a bakery.
It then may seem as if you are going nowhere in life.
And sometimes that thought causes you to lose hope that you will amount to anything.
And losing hope is never any good.
Because when you lose hope in one thing, it is a lot easier to assume all hope is lost.
You try to blog.
Thinking that will help you get all of your thoughts out and then you can conquer them.
But then you think, who cares?
Who wants to read about how depressing and confusing your life may seem?
So you try a journal.
But the words just don't come.
Your parents ask what is wrong.
And you can't tell them.
Because you don't really know.
You just feel empty.
You feel like you aren't really there.
That you are just going through all the motions.
With no emotion.
You can't even get yourself to do the miniscule things like cleaning your room.
Because you just don't see the point.
You want to quit.
Be done with it all.
Then finally, you just can't do it anymore.

And that is the moment when you fall to your knees.
You let it all out.
You scream.
You cry.
You whisper.
And then you are silent.
Every thought and feeling you've been holding in finally comes out.
You just collapse.
Because everything is finally off of your shoulders.
You get that little glimpse of hope you've been longing for.
And you finally realize something you've known all along.
You realize, that He doesn't care.
He doesn't care if you are currently single.
Or if the most eventful thing you do all day is drizzle chocolate onto cakebites.
He loves you regardless.
And life will get better.
Every trial is only there to make you stronger.
Make you a better person.
Overcoming those trials prove to the world that you deserve the very best that life has to offer, and that you will succeed.
And nothing will stop you from accomplishing what you want and reaching your dreams.
You have so much potential.
We all do.
Maybe working at a bakery is what you want to do for the rest of your life.
Maybe it makes you happy.
If it does, nothing else matters.
No one else but you has a say in it.
You do what makes you happy.
Because you are the only one that will have to wake up every morning to those decisions..
Life can be as good as you make it.
So make it the best.
Don't cut yourself short.
You deserve better.
You deserve the best.