Thursday, April 28, 2011

Don't even ask.

I am not quite sure where my brain has been lately.
But I can assure you it has not been in my head.
I have been all over the place the past few days.
So I apologize for my scatterbrained posts, or the lack thereof. 
I will eventually put my thoughts together and create something actually enjoyable to read.
And for those of you who have been with me at all this past weekish...
I seek your forgiveness. 
I may or may not be bipolar.
Based on the past few days, I'm leaning more towards the may. 
But it also could be from this little thing called lack of sleep.
Apparently when the clock strikes midnight, the party in my head turns on. And apparently, it is  completely normal to get 11 hours of sleep. In a full week. Oh wait, no its not.
What do you do.
And that one thing you do, you know, think?
Yeah. Haven't been doing much of it lately. 
It's fine. 
Tomorrow's a new day.
And I don't work.
I'll be taking a nap. 
Dream of babies and palm trees. 
Nighty night.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else." 
-Wedding Date. 

I stumbled across this quote today. And I think that is true love. When you want to be with them no matter what. Even when they are making you so angry, you would still rather be with them and be angry than be happy with anyone else. It's not about finding the person who you want to be with for the rest of your life. But finding the person that you can't live without. Find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and never ever let them go. 
"So it's not gonna be easy. It is gonna be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."
Name that movie.
Yes. All time classic, The Notebook.
But it is true. Real love isn't going to ever be easy. And everyday you'll have to work hard to make it good. That is what makes it so good. Because if it were easy, everyone would be able to have true love and it wouldn't actually mean anything. If you aren't willing to work for love, then you don't deserve to be in love. And if you love someone, say it. Say it to their face. And mean it. The worst that will happen is they will reject you and crush every piece of your heart. 
Then you move on.
And you realize that they aren't the person you want to spend forever with. If you keep it all to yourself, then you will never know. They could absolutely be the worst person for you. But at least you'd know. Because they could also be the right one. Its hard to be brave, and "the brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all." (Last quote for today. Promise.) Isn't it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

You had a bad day, the camera don't lie.

Sometimes in life you lose.
Occasionally you lose a lot.
And the more you lose the harder it becomes to keep going.
It's like you're climbing up a ladder and once you almost reach the top, someone comes and pushes you all the way back down to the very bottom.
It gets frustrating and a lot of the time you are going to want to quit. 
But let me tell you a little secret...
the more you lose, the bigger win you get in the end.
I promise.
If you keep going and learn from each loss, eventually you will win it all. Its hard to see the big picture when you are in the middle of a losing game, but don't worry. 
Things always get worse before they can get really really great. 
I know what it's like when everything in life seems to be going so swell and then all of a sudden, bam. Everything that could possibly go wrong, does. You feel like your whole life is sliding down a mountain. But just hold on. God won't give you anything you can't handle. If you can find the tiny speck of good in the worst days, you'll be okay. And life will start turning around the second you let it.
Bad days are going to come. It's inevitable.
But so are good days. 
So just be patient, because they'll come just like the sun.
Even if you have a really terrible night, the sun always comes out the next day.
Always. You can make it through the night. 
We all have those days when we wake up and we just know it is going to be a bad one. 
So when you wake up and feel that, do these things. 
 Why have a bad day if you don't have to?

1. Get dressed. Wearing sweats and having greasy hair will not make you feel any better. I know it's the last thing you want to do, but get in the shower. It will give you a clean, fresh start. 
2. Have a bright and colorful breakfast. Fruitloops, a nice green apple, or some orange juice. 
3. Listen to your favorite song. I know everyone has their "bad day" playlists, don't listen to them. You don't need to make yourself any more angry or sad.
4. Give yourself 20 minutes  alone in your bedroom. Scream, cry, write in your journal, punch a pillow, whatever you need to do to get it out of your system. Then walk out of your room and leave it all alone. Let it out, then be done with it. Don't take it out on everyone else in your life.
5. Read a book or watch a movie. A happy one. It will take you out of the world for a little while, and when you come back you will feel like happiness does exist somewhere. 

I know some days are going to be hard and all you will want to do is lock yourself in your room with a tub of ice cream. 
But really, what good does that do?
It wastes one day of your life that you will never ever be able to get back. 
So even though it's hard, try to make the best of every day.
And if you're having a hard time just remember that someone always has it worse. 
The real remedy to feeling better is to do something for someone else. 
I know. Doing service just turned selfish.
Everyone deserves to have a good life.
So live one.
Endure the snow.
Embrace the rain.
And enjoy the sunshine.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter.

"Do or don't do. There is no try."

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Aint about the ba-bling ba-bling.

Why is everyone so obsessed?
Money can't buy us happiness.
Can we all slow down and enjoy the show right now?
Guaranteed we'll be feelin' all right.
It's not about the money..
We don't need your money..
We just wanna make the world dance.
Forget about the price tag.

 Enjoy the simple things in life.
Money can buy you lots of things,
but happiness isn't one of them.
I know some of the happiest people in this world,
and they don't have any extra money.
Just look at all the celebrities. 
They definitely have some money to spare.
But how many of them are actually happy?
Like really truly happy?
Yeah, not very many.
One in every two marriages end in divorce. 
And 70% of all those divorces are because of financial problems.
If couples started out poor and learned to love each other,
then when they get rich they still can love each other more than their stuff.
But the couples who start out having it all, 
their stuff makes them happy.
So if it so happens that they lose that "stuff", 
they realize that they never even loved their spouse. 
Just everything they had bought.
Now don't misinterpret this post.
I'm not saying that all rich people are unhappy 
and all poor people are happy. 
I'm not an idiot, I know that is not true.
But just take a step back in your life and ask yourself,
Do you love your things more than the people in your life?
If so, you need to think that one over.
Because in the end,
None of it goes with you.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Home sweet home.

Well, the plan failed.

I ended up coming home. 
Which is kind of a good thing because you see, I sort of missed my family...
But no worries, I'll be returning to the beach at a later time. 
Any who, spring break was overall a success.
I'll give you a run down version of my past few days.
For all of those who don't really care, 
Stop reading now.
For everyone else,
Feel free to continue.

It all started on Wednesday morning. 
We were scheduled to load the buses at 8:00.
The fact that that didn't happen is no surprise to me.
When is anything ever actually on time?
Apparently the buses thought they were supposed to leave the station at 8. 
Not be here at 8.
It's fine, they eventually came.
One came, then the second, third, and fourth.
Interesting. We were bus five.
No bus five. 
We wait some more...
Still nothing.
Then someone calls and our bus and of course, 
it had broken down.
So finally it pulls up.
When we first arrived at the school, we had made allies and arranged plans on how exactly we would retrieve the very back seats of the bus. 
Our plan succeed.
My best friend and I had the very back seats right in front of the bathroom.
(don't fret, we didn't allow anyone to actually use the bathroom.)
So the trip started and we were on our way.
We made a few stops along the way. 
By the second stop, we had all lost at least ten pounds each from sweating.
No one could figure out why the driver decided using the heater was a better idea than the a.c. 
Memories flooded back of last year when the bus over heated and eventually broke down on the freeway because the driver didn't realize it in time. 
Interesting was the exact same driver.
Coincidence? Not a chance.
Finally, we arrived in St. George where our drivers were scheduled to switch.
It got a lot cooler after that. 
And after driving all day, we arrived at the hotel at about 1 am. 
The next morning we had breakfast at the hotel, took our seasick medicine, then jumped on the buses and were on our way to Newport beach for our whale watching cruise. 
The cruise lasted about two and a half hours.
With no whales in sight.
But, we did see TONS of dolphins.
Which was an equally cool experience.
They would ride the waves that the boat made.
So cool.
We also made friends with the captains of the boat so we got to sit up in the cabin with them. They were pretty funny. And we just lounged around on the boat for awhile. Enjoying the sun and cool ocean breeze.
Then the moment I had been waiting for.
We finally got to go to the beach. 
You'd think for how much I wanted to go I would of jumped in the water the second we got there.
I didn't.
We shopped around for a little bit, grabbed lunch, then headed down to the sand.
I was getting a little antsy. 
But I still didn't even get in the water.
I laid out my towel and all my things, then just enjoyed the sun.
I spent a little time just lying on my towel, then I got up and walked around on the beach.
We buried Steve in the sand. Then Dave next to him. Then Benji on top of him. 
Don't ask.
Then I just lounged around until it was time to go.
And it was soo beautiful,
I love just being on the beach. 
The whole atmosphere of it.
I easily could of spent the fest of our trip / the rest of my life there.
So the time came and we had to leave.
We headed back to the hotel and got ready for dinner.
Medieval Times.
Ever heard of it?
It was decent.
Not my favorite. 
We did get crowns though.
But they bring in the food dish by dish.
Chicken, ribs, a baked potato kind of thing, and a pastry.
But no utensils. 
You eat everything with your hands.
And the whole time you are eating, there is a little show going on.
A jousting show.
It was super sweet at the beginning. 
They came in on real horses and everything.
But then it dragged on.
And on.
And on. 
(Kind of like this post, I know.)
And the acting was a little on the cheesy side.
But eventually that was over and we went back to the hotel. 
Friday = Disneyland.
We went on about five rides before we were scheduled to be at the recording studio in California Adventures. 
Which was a pretty cool experience. 
We came in and this crazy old man "taught'' us how to sing a few songs and then he'd record us singing and then play the movie the song was from and instead of the regular song playing, it would be us singing. It's not everyday you get to do that. Pretty cool. 
Except for the fact we kind of sucked it it ended up being pretty interesting to listen to. But still cool.
Then went back out and hit up the rides again. 
Later on, a few of us headed across the street to IHOP and had dinner there.
Then rode the bus back to the hotel, went to sleep, and prepared ourselves for the next day.
Saturday. We had festival in the morning. 
At some elementary school.
And if I do say so myself, we wrecked.
We were incredible.
It was great to see the other choir's faces as we sang. 
They were awestruck.
I was a little astonished myself. 
After we all sang we watched a few others perform. 
Oh man. 
There was this one choir..
First of all, they came out in some interesting dresses. Not the usual simple choir ones.
Then instead of stepping up on stage, they set themselves out in front. 
Then proceeded to sing Lady GaGa. Complete with dancing. 
Two words: Glee Club.
They did two more numbers after that and we all had a hard time holding ourselves together at first. 
Because it was dang funny.
After that little show, Chamber performed. 
They did amazing. Nothing short of the usual. 
After the festival we had a few choices.
Head back to Disneyland.
Or head back to the hotel.
Seeing as we had just spent the entire day before in the blazing sun at Disneyland and planned on staying until midnight that night, we decided to kick it at the hotel until we were supposed to be in Disneyland for awards. 
I cleaned our room (which was kind of a disaster..)
Then Kels and I headed down to the pool with some others to get our tan on. 
We stayed down there for awhile, then we all got ready and did a little shopping, had dinner at Red Robin, and took the bus over to Disneyland. 
We got there right on time for the awards. 
And basically, we killed.
We took first in everything we competed in.
I know what you're thinking, first place in Super cool.
But guess what, it kind of is. 
So after that we went on the Monsters Inc. ride, then we got tickets to the World of Colors show.
Sooooooo sweet. 
Oh man, it was one of the coolest shows I've ever seen. 
It was this water show and they projected different scenes of Disney movies on the water and the water would shoot up all different colors, and it was just way way cool.
Then Kelsey and I stood in line for Space Mountain. Because in reality, that was one of the few rides we actually wanted to ride. 
It was like 11:00 when we got in line and we were supposed to leave at midnight. 
We got on the ride at 11:50. 
Its fine.
We rode it and then ran to get our caramel apples, then booked it to the bus stop.
We made it just in time for the bus to arrive and take us back to the hotel. 
The original plan was to pull an all nighter that night because we would just sleep the whole way home, but when we walked into our room, all of our roomies were completely out. So we figured it would be a little difficult to stay up all night if we had to be silent. 
So we stayed up til about three ish, then hit the hay. 
Sunday morning we loaded all of our stuff on the bus, got on, and headed home.
Drove all day and all night and got home at about 11. 
All in all, great trip. 
There were a few speed bumps along the way, but it ended up being a really fun senior choir tour. 
And I'm sure California was sad to see us go.
Or more like we were sad to leave. 
And no worries, I was probably the only person on the entire tour who didn't have a "choir tour romance".
It's fine. I'm not really into the week long crushes anyway..
I'm waiting for the real deal. 
Also, I did take a few photos during the trip,
I'm just not really in the mood to get up, find the camera, upload them onto the computer, then upload them onto the blog. I know, I'm a tiny bit on the lazy side.
But I've got an entire body bag full of clothes that need to be put away...
So I should get on that.
Hope you all enjoyed your break from prison. 
I sure did. 
Peace out chub scouts.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Words from the small one.

"I wish I could just fast forward my life 
to the place where I want to be."

This came from my seven year old little sister today while I was babysitting her.
She was sick today so she couldn't go up and play at my uncle's. 
I guess this is what technology is teaching the little ones of this generation.
When she watches TV she can fast forward all of the commercials so it makes sense why she thinks it would be ok to skip all the boring parts of her life.
But I told her that if she skipped all the parts she doesn't like, then she would miss out on so many things.
It didn't really make sense to her.
So instead, I'm telling all of you.
Don't go through life wishing to be at a different time. 
Just be in the now. 
I promise it is not always as bad as it seems. 
And bad times are always followed by good times. 
So just enjoy the moment and live for today. 

This is the last post for a few days because I'm heading off to Cali in the morning.
I'm counting down the hours.
I will return on Sunday with pictures and loads of stories, I'm sure.
Unless I decide to stick to the plan and just stay and live on the beach...
Enjoy the rest of spring break.
I know I will. 
Peace out.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Take 5.

I'm taking a small break.
I've been at the bestie's since approximately 1:00.
Its 7:00.
What have we been doing do you ask?
Watching movies.
Oh yeah.
And not just any old movies.
Disney movies.
On the VCR.
(She didn't even own one,
I had to bring mine over.)
Me, her and the b.f.
We started out with a little:

Then switched over to:

Seth came over for his favorite:

 Then we just ended with:
 I had to come home to get some dinner...But no worries. I'll be back. And we'll most likely go for a few more hours. It's fine. We're just trying to get in the mood for Disneyland. Besides, what is spring break without lying around on the couch for hours on end?

The End.

Well looky here. 
Day thirty.
The end. 
I made it.
One last moment. 
Four years ago today I woke up. 
It was a Wednesday. 
My grandpa had been diagnosed with cancer. 
He hadn't been doing well, and the night before "today" my mom went over to my grandparent's house.
All of their kids were there. 
Except one who was stuck in California but they had him on the phone.
And they spent the night next to my grandpa.
The next morning my mom woke us up.
Two of my cousins had been living with us and when she woke us all up at 8:00 on a school day, we knew.
She took us into the front room upstairs and before she even started talking I knew what she was going to say. 
He was gone.
I cried.
My cousins cried.
My siblings cried.
And my parents cried.
It was the first time I had ever had someone extremely close to me pass away.
Even when you are expecting it, it is still the absolute hardest moment when you find out they are gone.
He was out of his misery.
He was no longer in pain. 
Yes, it was such a difficult experience. 
But I know he is in a better place now.
He is looking down from heaven smiling at us.
Watching over us.
He was an incredible grandfather and I bet he is an even better angel.
And I'll always think of him every time I see black licorice, eat a peppermint patty, hear some fact, or see a paint by number.
He always was sitting in his chair when we went over to their house and we never were allowed to walk past him without stopping and giving him a hug. 
He knew everything about anything.
He had basically every single movie. 
I love him and miss him everyday. 
But I know he is happy.
And one day I will be able so see him again. 
I love you Grandpa. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Twenty nine.

Wow. Who knew I'd really get to the end of this thirty day thing? One day left.
So here we go, second to last day.
My aspirations.
I know, a few days ago was "my dreams", but there is a little difference.
A dream is something you wish to come true, an aspiration is something you intend to pursue.
For instance, 
Aspiration: I want to get married in the temple.
Dream: I want to get married in the Rome temple. 
So there is a slight difference.
But to be completely honest, I can not think of any of my aspirations right now.
My mind is in one million other places.
So since I did talk about my dreams previously, and they aren't THAT different, we'll call it good.
And I'll just tell you what is on my mind. 
The biggest thing taking over my mind right now consists of one word:
Two days. 
I. Can. Not. Wait. 
Mostly because of the beach. 
I'm going to the beach.
The plan is to ditch the rest of the group I'm going with and just spend the entire five days on the beach then meet back up with them on the last day to get a ride home and pretend like I was lost. 
Or just stay lost on the beach forever.
I'm leaning towards the second option.
I would trade in my Disneyland ticket for an entire day of just lying around on the sand.
Don't get me wrong, I love Disneyland and all..
But the beach??
No offense Walt Disney,
But God did a better job at creating the happiest place on earth. 
At least for me. 
I would give anything to stay there for this entire summer. 
Maybe I'll find a job while we're down there and then convince my mom to let me stay.
In my dreams. 
Oh, here is an aspiration...
I want to get lost on Thursday while we are at the beach and then everyone forgets about me and I just stay there for the rest of my life.
There, I ended with an aspiration.
Now, feel free to indulge yourself in these photos from my last trip to California. 
And be jealous. 
Because this is where I'll be in 2 days. 

I know.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Friday. Gotta get down on Friday.

Apparently this is considered music.
Who knew.
But if you are looking for some cheap entertainment, do watch.

Day 28.

Something you miss. 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Day of 27.

Your favorite place...

Well I have a lot of places that I really like to be.
But I think the one place that I go to the most is my bedroom.
I've never ever had my own room until about a yearish or two ago.
It is the first place that has ever been just mine.
And I like it.
When I need to be alone I can just go inside my room.
No one can bug me and if I can spend like ten minutes in there when I'm angry or anything then I can calm down and be fine.
So it's nice.
And if you're wondering...this is what it contains:

My closets.Yes. Plural. 
This one contains all shirts, pants, tights, scarfs and boots.

 This one has all of my jackets/sweaters, dresses, skirts, and the rest of my shoes.

This is what one side looks like closed.

This is my desk/record player/James Dean.

My vanity. 

My wall of photos. 

The wardrobe. 

Jewelry holder and mirror.

My purse rack. And posters of Prince of Persia, The Mad Hatter, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. 

The place where I sleep maybe once or twice a week.

My favorite part: the door. It took kind of forever. And no. It does not spell anything. Except it does say "jenna" once. But that is all. The rest of it is just random letters.(it looks cooler in real life.)

Welcome to my favorite place. AKA my bedroom.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Day twenty six.

I feared for this day. 
Sharing my fears, it is not something I really like to do.
Mostly because then it makes the fears seem that much more real.
Here goes nothing.

I am scared of a lot of things. So if you are not in the mood to read a lot, I suggest stopping at this point. 
Because I can not tell you exactly how long I plan on making this post.
But I can tell you this much...
It will be long. 
So, get comfortable.

We'll start simple.
I am 100% terrified of clowns. 
I hate them.
I hate everything about them.
The fact that they are a big hit at 
little kid parties makes no sense to me.
They are creepy.
My family finds it enjoyable to make
the clowns in parades come up to me.
I find no humor in it.
My sister finds it hilarious to have a boy 
sit in the front seat of my car with a clown mask on.
Again. Not very humorous.
What is fun about a grown man in 
rainbow colors with crazy hair and a painted on smile?
And have you ever noticed that whenever you hear 
a "clown story" it is almost always a scary one?
And the laugh they do.
I just got the shivers.

That fear sort of links into this next one.
I hate them just about as much as clowns.
Ever since I met Chip and Dale at Disneyland.
I hate them.
Especially the cow at Chick-fil-a
Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and hug him?
No. Because that is weird.
So how on earth does putting that stranger in a large 
furry costume so that their face is completely masked make it any better?
I will never understand them. 
Or those who like them.

This one is not as little kidish. 
Falling in love.
Not that I'm scared of falling in love, 
or that I never will fall in love.
Because I know for a fact I'll fall in love with someone.
But what if someone never falls in love with me.
Because that happens to some people.
They live their entire lives by themselves.
I am terrified of ending up alone.
And I don't care if this is a complete kill to 
woman power or whatever,
I need a man in my life.
Not necessarily right now. 
But definitely later in life.
I'm not one of those chicks who can say that I'll 
be fine if I never get married.
Because I will not be fine.
I am scared that it'll happen though. 
Very scared. 

Growing up.
This one's a debate though.
I'm terrified of it.
But so very excited.
It still counts as a fear though because there are times when
I am consumed with fear of growing up.
I don't know why.
Because I can't wait to get out of high school and get into the real world.
But what if I can't do it?
What if it is absolutely nothing like I expect it to be and I have 
to come running back home because I can't do it?

I'm also scared of never being good enough for someone.
I know that is a stupid one because I shouldn't be living 
for someone to tell me I'm good enough for them.
But we all do.
I think that is a fear everyone shares.
We all want to be loved and adored by someone.
And what if I am never enough?
I guess it kind of links back to the being scared of never falling in love,
I just want to be good enough for someone and be 
the person that is on someone's mind all the time. 
I want to be the girl that he is obsessed with.
The one he does little things that are completely 
out of his way just to see me.
The one he tells his family all about. 
The one he brags to his friends about.
Sorry..I'm starting to ramble. 
When I get going on certain subjects, I can't stop.
Falling in love is one of those subjects.
So back to my fears. 

I'm scared of my house burning down.
Mostly everything inside of my house.
I get really attached to things.
Especially all my pictures and journals.
If I watched those go up in flames, 
I don't know what I'd do.

And of course,
that fear leads to this next one.
I'm scared of not remembering.
That is one of the reasons I write in my journals so much.
I hate when older people say that they can't 
remember their childhood or teenage years.
It has been so great.
I would never want to forget some of the things I've done.
Or the things I've thought.
What if you could not remember anything?
That is one of the most terrifying things to me.
So I write.

You want to know what is weird?
I am scared of all these stupid things that really don't matter,
but I am not scared of death.
That is some people's biggest fear.
But nothing about it scares me.
Oh, but I promise I won't commit suicide. 
It's not like I want to die, 
I'm just not scared to.
This courage definitely is because of my religion.
Knowing what happens after death, 
brings me such happiness.
And in the words of Peter Pan,
"To die would be an awfully big adventure."

Anyway, I'll let you get back to your lives.
Sorry I blabbered so much.
But in my defense, I did warn you.
And you could of stopped at any time.
So no complaining.
And remember, fear is only as deep as the mind allows it.
It is ok to be afraid. 
But once that fear stops you from doing things you love, it becomes not ok. 
So fear less, and hope more.
And overall,
Enjoy life.
Each day only happens once.
Don't let any of them go to waste.