Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Details in the fabric.

 I paint my nails when I am upset.
I keep every nice text message someone sends me.
I love when people use my name when they talk to me.
I day dream about my dream life more than I live my actual one.
I want to only ever be married to one man.
My car has seen me cry more than anyone else.
I listen to boy bands that my 15 year old sister listens to. 
And I love them.
I eat like a fat person and exercise like a skinny person.
I pretend I am the main character in basically every movie I've ever seen.
I have no idea what I want from life.
I just want to be happy.
I'm not as tough as I like to pretend, I just lie when I'm not ok.
I get jealous easy.
 I'm terrified of not amounting to anything.
Half of the time when I know what I am talking about, I don't.
I have kept a journal almost every day over the last 10 years.
I still miss my parents.
I'm insecure and like to pretend I'm not.
I cried over a "relationship" that was shorter than most jr. high relationships.
I like to think that every song was written only for me.
I have never kept a job longer than 4 months.
I love waffles. 
I am terrible at giving advice.
But I am a really good listener. 
I like to think I'm famous when I post a picture on instagram. 
I plan out every conversation in my head before I have it.
Yet, I still manage to almost never think before I speak.
And then over think everything I've said.
I miss people I barely know.
There are a lot of weekends I stay at home, alone.
 I'm a terrible secret keeper. 
Especially my own secrets.
I fall too fast and too hard.
I want to be a mother more than I want any career.
I've signed up for school 4 times, and I haven't gone yet.
 I'm a quitter. I quit almost everything I do.
Except student council. I finished that. Twice.
I think I am really funny.
I text my sisters and my mom more than any one else.
I had a crush on the same boy throughout my entire high school career.
I think I am way more important in people's lives than I actually am.
I've never been to the east coast.
I'm scared I'll never be loved as much as I will love.
And I hate talking about myself.
But sometimes when you take the time to realize the small things about yourself, you can really fall in love with yourself. Because that is how you fall in love with others. You find out the little details about them and you just love them. But first you need to do that to yourself. Even if the details aren't the best qualities, they are what make you you. 
And you wont ever be any one else.

1 comment:

Kimberly Noelle said...

Love it. So, So much. :)
And I love the song that the title is from. Jason Mraz. Yes.
And if you're not busy, Jessica and I are going to Orange Leaf on Saturday. You should come! I miss you and love you!